Can I please come in?

Let me back in bitch. It's dark out here...I'm scared...this is not f*&king funny. Look, I'm sitting!

AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRR

This photo was taken shortly after Mom took me on my first run in over a year. I'm trying to get fit for the ladies this summer...

Heaven

Getting my head pet is like the best thing in the world. Better than Dingos. It feels so f*%kin good.

Just posing...

I am like so good looking. I should be a f*#king model.

Chester the Molester

This is the worst thing to happen to me since they cut off my balls. I took a trip to my old hair salon, Doggie Detailers, in Galveston as I am in town for Auntie's wedding, and well...you can see what happened. I used to be a good looking guy, with a full coat of white hair. Now everyone keeps talking about how I resemble some man named Chester...I believe his last name is Molester. I get the feeling that this Chester guy is not good looking. F*$k my life.

My Long-lost Half-ass Auntie

I've had a pretty f&*kin rough childhood. Nobody seemed to want me. First, my Mom purchased me off the side of the road at a discount because no one else would buy me. I was a gift to her sister, Lindsey, this b*%ch in the photo with me. I was such a bundle of joy-and- because I am a "Malti-Cocka-Poo," she thought I was one of those designer puppies only to weigh 10lbs. Well, 25 lbs and a few pairs of shoes later, Lindsey regifted me to my current Mom and that's who I stay with now. Lindsey and I have since restored our relationship, as she mails me the occasional Dingo.

Sorry Auntie

Auntie Karen- listen..I'm really sorry that I pissed on your foot last night. I was a little disoriented from being locked in the bathroom for so long and I thought you were a tree. It won't happen again.