40 oz

I was like so hungover today. Ugh. I'm never drinking again.

Grrrrrrr........

I'm not coming out of here until you tell me where you hid the squeak toy. I am really pissed off. Like really, really, ridiculously pissed off. One step closer and you will lose a finger. I hate you, and I mean that.

One day I will catch a squirrel....until then...

Mr. Squirrel, please come down. I am not here to hurt you, I just want to talk to you for a minute. No, seriously....come back down. This shit is not funny. You know I can't climb a tree. Damn....he's gone.

Caught Green Handed

Oh shit she caught me. Quickly..tip toe away....I did not destroy this plant....doo do dooo.....I'm invisible....

My little bro- Oscar

Meet my new little brother, Oscar. I'm not sure where the hell he came from, one day he just f*#king showed up and now I'm supposed to be a role model. I've taught him valuable lessons so far, such as- when you sit and stare (like so), sometimes my bitch of a mother will toss you a piece of cheese. When she doesn't, don't overreact, just piss on her bath mat when she is not looking. I've also taught him that if you are ever really bored and looking for something to do in the house, the bathroom trashcan is a good place to start. Tomorrow I shall teach him that pooping on the floor is really the best way to get the attention of the parents when you are not happy about the way things are run around here.

I Am Not A Crook

I did not take your shoe. No, seriously..it wasn't me. Let me out of here. This shit is not funny let me out. Look...I'm sitting.

Waiting on the mailman...

Oh God here he comes. Here he comes! I hate him so much. Don't come near this house motherf!@#er. No seriously get off of my porch.


Mom leaves me here all day alone. Mailman has no respect. I will piss all over these coupons. Suuuuuckaaas.

Give me the f*cking cheese before I bite your hand off

Look, Mom, I'm sitting! Give me the f*cking cheese. No, seriously, quit playin around- give me the f*cking cheese! UGH!

F my life.

Ok..soo....I'm not one to discuss my problems but I figured I don't have shit else to do. My Mom leaves me home all day and it gets really f*cking boring so I figured I would start blogging. Today not much went on. The mailman came by at his usual time and I showed that bitch who the boss of this house was. One of these days I'm going to get him, but for now I will stick to barking at him and pissing on the mail when it comes through the slot. Oh and ps..Mom, if you are reading this, you forgot to feed me this morning. Bitch.